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Episode 1669: Static Fiction


Ah, the denial that anything is wrong, when all available evidence points to everything going wrong.

This can be an unnerving character trait in an NPC. Particularly a villain. Actually, it's almost the James Bond villain standard, right up to the point where he suddenly decides it is all going to pot and he better hop on his private monorail and abandon all the loyal mooks to die horribly defending his secret lair.

[Reminder: Our guest commentators have not seen Rogue One. Part of the fun is seeing how their untainted impressions re-interpret the movie through the lens of our comic.]

I guess K-2 is talking about his Wookiee-gram costume that needs to be washed. Or possibly there are some sort extremely small hairs on his metal plating which serve as hyper-sensitive olfactory sensors that help with reconnaissance missions. Naturally such hairs need to be washed on a regular basis for optimal functioning. Which makes his excuse completely reasonable. You don't want a droid out there with less-than-optimal olfactory sensors.

I have actually told someone I was unavailable because I was washing my hair. Which was true. I had something to do later that day and my hair needed attention prior. Not that the person in question remotely believed me. But that's not my fault.

— aurilee

Well what do you know. A semi-competent response. Send massive amounts of ground troops. Through fairly narrow islands. That will take time to reach the enemy. Not sending any Air Force. No reconnaissance drones.

But let's be fair. Maybe the Air Force and drones are happening elsewhere, not being shown on screen. Maybe these troops are heading to the troop transport ships.

Let's give the Empire the benefit of the doubt here. They're clearly mobilizing enough troops. And there's nothing suspicious about spotting a combat robot, asking why it's not heading to the emergency for fighting, and being told that the robot is washing its hair. That's not suspicious at all.

Clearly, their cover should be blown in the next strip.

— Keybounce


Cassian: {into radio} Chirrut! What was that?
Chirrut: Oh, nothing. Just some static, I think.
Cassian: Are you sure? All the troopers here are running off in your direction.
Scarif Tower PA: All troops report to battle stations. For the upcoming battle. This is not a drill.
{dozens of troopers run past Cassian, Bria, and K-2SO}
Chirrut: Yeah... it may have been a slightly larger than usual source of static. But don't worry, we've totally got it covered.
K-2SO: Can we start shooting now?
Cassian: Uh, no. Our cover isn't broken. Yet. Somehow. We stick to the plan.
Clone Trooper: {running past} Hey, you guys! Aren't you coming to the emergency?
Bria: Uh, nah, we got a thing to go to. We might swing by later.
K-2SO: I'm washing my hair.

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Published: Sunday, 24 June, 2018; 03:11:01 PDT.
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